Moving to Portland – Movin' On Up

Made in Oregon: Not Just a Gift Basket You Buy at the Airport

By eli.cotham April 3, 2022Moving to Portland

Upon moving to Oregon, I discovered something interesting: people here generally don't care one whit about the entertainment industry. It took me about a minute and a half for that first epiphany to lead itself to epiphany 1B, which is that most people everywhere don't care about this and that I was, all along for all those years working in that business, in a bubble. I Kind of knew it then but it became crystal clear. I was no longer among…

I Went to Dutch Bros Every Day For a Week Just to Write This Stupid Post

By eli.cotham February 26, 2022Moving to Portland

I'm not a coffee snob. OK, I'm a bit of a coffee snob. But I'm not the guy who is sniffing the beans or cares about the subtle notes of anything, and I certainly don't need that coffee that monkeys, um, drop out. I also don't care how many origins the beans have, nor how fair the trade was, whatever that means. I do drink a lot of it and have my minimum standards, and have gone through my french press…

The Real Reason I Moved to Portland

By eli.cotham February 6, 2022Moving to Portland

When you think of world-class cities, what comes to mind? Michelin-starred restaurants, museums with that one painting that everyone has to take a picture of to prove they saw it, skyscrapers with observation decks you have to buy a ticket for- that kind of thing? Portland doesn't really have any of that, and if you ask most people here they'll tell you that's the way they like it. Portland's world-classiness shows in different ways if it shows at all. Back when…

We Need to Talk About Fred Meyer – UPDATE: Now With 100% More WinCo!

By eli.cotham January 14, 2022Moving to Portland

Note: This post originally ran without mention of WinCo, which was a grave oversight on the part of an unnamed MOVIN' ON UP employee. That person has been disciplined. Adaptability to one's environment has been key to the evolution of our species. I think we can all agree on that, at least in a general sense? In the modern world, however, it seems that the environment doesn't change much from place to place, so we don't have as much to adapt…

I (Don’t) Like to Move It Move It

By eli.cotham December 20, 2021Moving to Portland

Somewhere out there is a human who enjoys moving. I don't mean enjoys having moved, that's a different thing. Generally people are good with that. I mean a person who enjoys the process of moving, which might make that person an energy vampire. The cleaning, the packing, the boxes, the boxes, the boxes. At its best it's a hassle, and at worst it's a layer of hell Dante chose not to write about. Naturally, I've moved twice in the past year…

BREAKFAST: It’s What’s For Breakfast

By eli.cotham November 27, 2021Moving to Portland

The saying "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" was apparently just a marketing slogan made up by John Harvey Kellogg himself. Dr. Kellogg, who was seriously grape nuts, was also wrong. I've got breakfast down as the third most-important meal of the day. Dinner is obviously first, since it costs the most. Lunch comes in second, as it can be a nice break in the day and is also when you eat club sandwiches. The French treat lunch…

A Sort of Homecoming

By eli.cotham November 12, 2021Moving to Portland

I've now been on three trips in this quasi-After, having spent the better part of two years avoiding air travel like the plague since that's where the plague was. I've never particularly liked flying - I'm the type that as soon as the plane takes to the sky it occurs to me that humans were never meant to fly. It's foolish and unnatural, but I generally like going places and hate driving, so what are you going to do, take the…

There’s No Baseball in Portland, Which Sucks

By eli.cotham September 21, 2021Moving to Portland

With apologies (not really) to the barely-in-the-minors Hillsboro Hops, there's no baseball in Portland. I'm sure one of these days I'll take in a game at Ron Tonkin Field to see the Hops take on the Tri-City Dust Devils or the Everett AquaSox, and I might even enjoy myself, but it isn't the real thing. Once you've flown first class it's tough going back to coach. So how did we get here, with Portland- the 25th-largest metropolitan area in the US-…

Let’s Talk About Portland Weather, Like Boring People

By eli.cotham August 30, 2021Moving to Portland

I really want a pool, and not just because the temperature in Portland now gets to eleventy billion or so degrees during the summer. My nostalgia kicks in hard when thinking about lazy summer afternoons in the pool, and I can see myself in full Dad Mode drinking a beer, manning the grill, and yelling at random kids (my own, others, ones whose names I don't know and don't care to learn) to stop running around the pool. I don't need…

Road Trip!

By eli.cotham August 26, 2021Moving to Portland

Hey buddy, wanna go for a ride in the car? Wanna? Get in! We're going to Portland! The 5. Or just 5, if you're not in LA. It is one of the enduring mysteries why LA people (I refuse to say Angelenos) add "the" before freeway names. Somehow 101 is the 101 in LA but just 101 in San Francisco. There is some dubious historical reasoning behind it, which could explain it. I like to think that LA people want to…