The Real Reason I Moved to Portland

The Real Reason I Moved to Portland

February 6, 2022Posted inMoving to Portland
When you think of world-class cities, what comes to mind? Michelin-starred restaurants, museums with that one painting that everyone has to take a picture of to prove they saw it, skyscrapers with observation decks you have to buy a ticket for- that kind of thing? Portland doesn't really have any of that, and if you ask most people here they'll tell you that's the way they like it. Portland's world-classiness shows in different ways if it shows at all. Back when…
What YOU Need to KNOW Right NOW Before GOING to an Open HOUSE (You Won’t Believe #4!)

What YOU Need to KNOW Right NOW Before GOING to an Open HOUSE (You Won’t Believe #4!)

January 27, 2022Posted inReal Estate
If you really stop to dwell on it, there's something quite strange about open houses. You leave your home- with all your memories and your toys and that open Gatorade bottle in the back of the fridge- in the care of a real estate agent that you may not have ever met or seen or whose name you know, so strangers can walk through your house for a few hours and judge how you live. If you're fortunate enough to not…
We Need to Talk About Fred Meyer – UPDATE: Now With 100% More WinCo!

We Need to Talk About Fred Meyer – UPDATE: Now With 100% More WinCo!

January 14, 2022Posted inMoving to Portland
Note: This post originally ran without mention of WinCo, which was a grave oversight on the part of an unnamed MOVIN' ON UP employee. That person has been disciplined. Adaptability to one's environment has been key to the evolution of our species. I think we can all agree on that, at least in a general sense? In the modern world, however, it seems that the environment doesn't change much from place to place, so we don't have as much to adapt…
I (Don’t) Like to Move It Move It

I (Don’t) Like to Move It Move It

December 20, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
Somewhere out there is a human who enjoys moving. I don't mean enjoys having moved, that's a different thing. Generally people are good with that. I mean a person who enjoys the process of moving, which might make that person an energy vampire. The cleaning, the packing, the boxes, the boxes, the boxes. At its best it's a hassle, and at worst it's a layer of hell Dante chose not to write about. Naturally, I've moved twice in the past year…
BREAKFAST: It’s What’s For Breakfast

BREAKFAST: It’s What’s For Breakfast

November 27, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
The saying "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" was apparently just a marketing slogan made up by John Harvey Kellogg himself. Dr. Kellogg, who was seriously grape nuts, was also wrong. I've got breakfast down as the third most-important meal of the day. Dinner is obviously first, since it costs the most. Lunch comes in second, as it can be a nice break in the day and is also when you eat club sandwiches. The French treat lunch…
A Sort of Homecoming

A Sort of Homecoming

November 12, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
I've now been on three trips in this quasi-After, having spent the better part of two years avoiding air travel like the plague since that's where the plague was. I've never particularly liked flying - I'm the type that as soon as the plane takes to the sky it occurs to me that humans were never meant to fly. It's foolish and unnatural, but I generally like going places and hate driving, so what are you going to do, take the…
What the F*** is a “Zestimate,” Anyway?

What the F*** is a “Zestimate,” Anyway?

October 19, 2021Posted inReal Estate
(Update: this whole post is now moot, glad I took the time) Folks in my business tend to see Zillow and other techy real estate companies as anywhere from benign presence to the Anti-Christ. I land somewhere in the middle, as I have a healthy distrust of any giant company but can see how when they offer real value, it's best to figure out how to work with them or they'll eat your lunch. I have seen firsthand what kind of…
What the Hell Are You Talking About

What the Hell Are You Talking About

October 5, 2021Posted inReal Estate
There's an old saying in marketing that half of all marketing works, but nobody knows which half. That's likely an outdated metric, what with the new army of data scientists and algorithms that didn't used to exist, but there are still plenty of places where art is called for more than science. Take for example movie advertising, my old bailiwick. When deciding what tagline to put on a poster, or which review quotes to include in an ad, it's mostly hunch.…
There’s No Baseball in Portland, Which Sucks

There’s No Baseball in Portland, Which Sucks

September 21, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
With apologies (not really) to the barely-in-the-minors Hillsboro Hops, there's no baseball in Portland. I'm sure one of these days I'll take in a game at Ron Tonkin Field to see the Hops take on the Tri-City Dust Devils or the Everett AquaSox, and I might even enjoy myself, but it isn't the real thing. Once you've flown first class it's tough going back to coach. So how did we get here, with Portland- the 25th-largest metropolitan area in the US-…

Get Real: Portland vs California Real Estate

September 2, 2021Posted inReal Estate
One of my favorite recurring features in the NY Times is their What You Get column, in which they'll pick a budget (say, $850,000) and tell you how much acreage that'll get you in Texas versus what size of refrigerator box it will be in San Francisco. I'm now going to shamelessly rip this feature off (albeit strictly in a Portland and California way), but I'd like to make it more of a competition. Gladiatorial, perhaps. Each house included in the…