We Need to Talk About Fred Meyer – UPDATE: Now With 100% More WinCo!

We Need to Talk About Fred Meyer – UPDATE: Now With 100% More WinCo!

January 14, 2022Posted inMoving to Portland
Note: This post originally ran without mention of WinCo, which was a grave oversight on the part of an unnamed MOVIN' ON UP employee. That person has been disciplined. Adaptability to one's environment has been key to the evolution of our species. I think we can all agree on that, at least in a general sense? In the modern world, however, it seems that the environment doesn't change much from place to place, so we don't have as much to adapt…
I (Don’t) Like to Move It Move It

I (Don’t) Like to Move It Move It

December 20, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
Somewhere out there is a human who enjoys moving. I don't mean enjoys having moved, that's a different thing. Generally people are good with that. I mean a person who enjoys the process of moving, which might make that person an energy vampire. The cleaning, the packing, the boxes, the boxes, the boxes. At its best it's a hassle, and at worst it's a layer of hell Dante chose not to write about. Naturally, I've moved twice in the past year…
BREAKFAST: It’s What’s For Breakfast

BREAKFAST: It’s What’s For Breakfast

November 27, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
The saying "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" was apparently just a marketing slogan made up by John Harvey Kellogg himself. Dr. Kellogg, who was seriously grape nuts, was also wrong. I've got breakfast down as the third most-important meal of the day. Dinner is obviously first, since it costs the most. Lunch comes in second, as it can be a nice break in the day and is also when you eat club sandwiches. The French treat lunch…
A Sort of Homecoming

A Sort of Homecoming

November 12, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
I've now been on three trips in this quasi-After, having spent the better part of two years avoiding air travel like the plague since that's where the plague was. I've never particularly liked flying - I'm the type that as soon as the plane takes to the sky it occurs to me that humans were never meant to fly. It's foolish and unnatural, but I generally like going places and hate driving, so what are you going to do, take the…
What the F*** is a “Zestimate,” Anyway?

What the F*** is a “Zestimate,” Anyway?

October 19, 2021Posted inReal Estate
(Update: this whole post is now moot, glad I took the time) Folks in my business tend to see Zillow and other techy real estate companies as anywhere from benign presence to the Anti-Christ. I land somewhere in the middle, as I have a healthy distrust of any giant company but can see how when they offer real value, it's best to figure out how to work with them or they'll eat your lunch. I have seen firsthand what kind of…
What the Hell Are You Talking About

What the Hell Are You Talking About

October 5, 2021Posted inReal Estate
There's an old saying in marketing that half of all marketing works, but nobody knows which half. That's likely an outdated metric, what with the new army of data scientists and algorithms that didn't used to exist, but there are still plenty of places where art is called for more than science. Take for example movie advertising, my old bailiwick. When deciding what tagline to put on a poster, or which review quotes to include in an ad, it's mostly hunch.…
There’s No Baseball in Portland, Which Sucks

There’s No Baseball in Portland, Which Sucks

September 21, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
With apologies (not really) to the barely-in-the-minors Hillsboro Hops, there's no baseball in Portland. I'm sure one of these days I'll take in a game at Ron Tonkin Field to see the Hops take on the Tri-City Dust Devils or the Everett AquaSox, and I might even enjoy myself, but it isn't the real thing. Once you've flown first class it's tough going back to coach. So how did we get here, with Portland- the 25th-largest metropolitan area in the US-…

Get Real: Portland vs California Real Estate

September 2, 2021Posted inReal Estate
One of my favorite recurring features in the NY Times is their What You Get column, in which they'll pick a budget (say, $850,000) and tell you how much acreage that'll get you in Texas versus what size of refrigerator box it will be in San Francisco. I'm now going to shamelessly rip this feature off (albeit strictly in a Portland and California way), but I'd like to make it more of a competition. Gladiatorial, perhaps. Each house included in the…
Let’s Talk About Portland Weather, Like Boring People

Let’s Talk About Portland Weather, Like Boring People

August 30, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
I really want a pool, and not just because the temperature in Portland now gets to eleventy billion or so degrees during the summer. My nostalgia kicks in hard when thinking about lazy summer afternoons in the pool, and I can see myself in full Dad Mode drinking a beer, manning the grill, and yelling at random kids (my own, others, ones whose names I don't know and don't care to learn) to stop running around the pool. I don't need…
Road Trip!

Road Trip!

August 26, 2021Posted inMoving to Portland
Hey buddy, wanna go for a ride in the car? Wanna? Get in! We're going to Portland! The 5. Or just 5, if you're not in LA. It is one of the enduring mysteries why LA people (I refuse to say Angelenos) add "the" before freeway names. Somehow 101 is the 101 in LA but just 101 in San Francisco. There is some dubious historical reasoning behind it, which could explain it. I like to think that LA people want to…